Dearest, you

Mi amor, how are you? Lately, I’ve been passing days without really cherishing them. Minutes become meaningless. I can’t feel anything. Every time I tried to close my eyes, your face is all I can picture. I see your face every time, an illusion that makes me think that I’ve lost my mind. Dark ceilings become an everyday view and soaky eyes becoming a regular occurrence. I really can’t decide whether the tears are for missing you, loving you, or hating you.

Life is so funny, isn’t it? People come and go every day yet we have no clue of the story that will lie within. Months ago, we were strangers to each other. We passed each other in halls, classes, and hallways, totally unaware of the story we’ll create together. It was like a glimpse of fate, how we met each other. It just happened that I stumbled across you that night. Clumsily, I tried to save the situation by introducing myself to you. That was the very start of everything, where the sparks are set to beat my sanity for days to come.

But dear, I swear that I never intended to fall in love. It just… happened. All of a sudden the thoughts of you started creeping in the middle of the night. I started wishing that you were here by my side. I find myself thinking of you in classes and cafes, like everything is about you. I tried to knock it down but no matter how hard I tried, I would fall deeper into you. My guards were down and you took control of me, effortlessly. I swear I never meant to, but I fall for you.

I tried to knock it down but no matter how hard I tried, I would fall deeper into you. My guards were down and you took control of me, effortlessly.

Then that day would come, the day we went to that music festival together. I enjoyed every second of it. I wished the musicians would play on stage forever and the festival could last longer than only a few hours, and the look in your face said the same. The look in your pretty eyes was the thing that dragged me deeper into you. How could someone look strong and vulnerable at the same time? How could someone look so hopeful and hopeless at the same time? Your eyes felt like home to me, and that was the moment where I knew right away: I have to make you mine. To make you someone that will be my company for a part of my journey. We only knew each other for a short time but dear, I just knew right away.

We both realized that the stars didn’t want us to be together. We knew this would be a hard journey to take. We knew this was a bridge too far. We were scared, but we’d be brave for each other. Together, we felt that we can face everything in our way. Together, we felt that we have what it takes to beat the world. We bought into a dream of rewriting the stars.

Together, we felt that we have what it takes to beat the world. We bought into a dream of rewriting the stars.

Then months would pass by and we’d daze through our sweetest dream, a dream that I don’t want to wake up from. We become an integral part of each other’s life. I look over your photograph whenever I’m feeling down. I look for you in the warmth of the sun’s rays, in the best part of my favorite songs, and in the lines of the books I like. I found you in the eyes of the strangers I met, in the middle of crowded subways, and on the corner of my bed. I can hear your voice in my dreams, in the breeze of spring, and in the middle of the rain, telling me that you love me.

Everything I do is about you. You’ve become the main reason that I want to pull through. You’re the main reason that I want to be better every single day. I want to be a better man for you. All I ever dream is your face, smiling and clapping proudly at me, while I climbed down the podium and kiss you afterward. You also made me feel that I’m the best man for you whenever I caught on those rainy days. I fell hard for you, harder than I ever have before. I couldn’t imagine that I can find a love better than yours. I felt blessings and kisses as true as they are, it’s like fate brought us together, wishing we could be together for years to come.

But perhaps it is just a perfect illusion that we built together. Perhaps this is a wall that we couldn’t climb. Perhaps we don’t have what it takes to rewrite the stars. Perhaps we’re the star-crossed lovers that become a prominent part in every best-seller books. We would drown ourselves in confusion, anger, and disbelief. My dear, is it possible that fate had lied to us?

Perhaps we don’t have what it takes to rewrite the stars.

I’d like to think that someday fate would throw a smile at us. That stars would collide and gave its permission for us to be together. That nights would call our names and reunite us. That the book would release a new chapter that allows us to be together. But what are the chances? Would we gamble over it? My dear, perhaps this is the end of our story together. Perhaps there won’t be any more chapters. This is the last chapter. And this might be how our story ends: the worst ending it could be, an ending that would stop people from buying the book.

But I want you to know that I would be forever thankful that you were there for me: to fight a battle that we couldn’t win, to have a talk with fate, bravely trying to rewrite the stars by colliding them. Even though it was short, you showed me my version of an angel, to recite love as wonderful as it could be. I feel thankful for your existence. You stayed and gave us time to be together, to feel each other’s warmth, to share love and compassion.

Thank you for everything. It has been one exciting journey and a book worth reading. I will be forever grateful for your love and compassion. Keep in mind that you’ll always be the girl I cherish and compare everyone to, and I don’t mind finding someone like you again.

Je t’aime, mon chéri